Sunday, January 8, 2012

Jaws ScriptWalk Bonus: Matt Hooper Intro


Okay, if you're here, chances are you came from part two of my Jaws ScriptWalk, which focuses on the famous autopsy scene.

In this bonus section, I want to take a look at the first time we actually meet Matt Hooper as a character, which takes place during the chaos of the shark hunt scene. So here we go.


In the early draft of the script, Hooper locates Chief Brody and immediately begins lecturing him on the intricacies of shark behavior:

 73 ANGLE - INCOMING FORMULA 22      73

  Matt Hooper, a bearded, backpacking young man, is at the helm,
  peering ahead at the ragtag armada.  He ties up, revealing for
  the first time a seven-by-four foot steel cage in the stern,
  drawing some attention.
 
(Hooper disappears for a couple scenes amid the chaos. - BH) 



 76 ANGLE - LANDING        76

  Hooper sees Brody, up in arms about something, walking toward
  him.  Hooper starts to speak, but Brody veers aside and yells
  over the pier at the loading boats.

        BRODY
      No dynamite!  Hand that stuff over
      or you'll never leave port!

        MAN IN BOAT
      It's fireworks.  I read somewhere
      it attracts 'em.

        HOOPER
      Sharks are equipped with two long
      cords of nerve tissue that function
      as a sort of radar for homing in on
      underwater vibrations.
       (to Brody)
      Understand you're having a little
      shark trouble.

  Brody turns and walks away, Hooper barely keeping up with him.

        HOOPER
      I know you have a visitor off your
      southern shores.  I think it could
      be my shark.

        BRODY
      It belongs to whoever catches it.
       (to a late arrival)
      You'll move this car to a parking
      slot, mister, or it won't be here
      when you get back.

        HOOPER
      Sir, I'm not with these others ---

        BRODY
      It's always nice to meet an educated
      man.

        HOOPER
      I'm interning at the American
      Museum of Natural History, but the
      Oceanographic Research Institute in
      South Africa is co-sponsoring my
      thesis paper arm in arm with the
      Natural Institute of Health and the
      Marine Fishery Service.

  Brody pauses to look hard at Hooper. A careless amateur trips and falls
  into the harbor beyond him.

        BRODY
      I don't have time to help you with
      your homework.

  Brody goes over to lend a hand.  Hooper persists.

        HOOPER
      I'm trying to prove that the shark
      that killed Christine Watkins last
      Friday was the same rogue that
      savaged these.

  Hooper pushes a mimeographed sheet in front of Brody.  About
  twenty names and addresses in all.

        BRODY
      One shark did all this?

        HOOPER
       (his excitement
       multiplying as
       he goes on)
      The trail of a rogue shark leads
      all over the world.  This is only
      a theory.  It has never been authen-
      ticated, but there is a wonderful
      chance that the shark that killed
      the Watkins girl and the man-eater
      I tagged off the Great Barrier Reef
      are the one and the same.  Off and on
      I've tracked it to New Zealand,
      Santiago Bay, Cape Town South Africa
      ...uh...the Gulf of Guinea, then
      West Palm Beach, Florida last
      December -- and finally predicted
      it would follow the warming Gulf
      Stream into the Northern Seasonal
      Zones, and release an attack pattern
      along the Jersey Coast.  I was off
      by just three hundred miles.  It
      hit you instead.

        BRODY
      You'll pardon me i f I don't help
      you get your Ph.D. while my town here
      degenerates into some high-class
      ghost resort.

  Brody starts away.  In the background all boats are heading
  toward open ocean.

        HOOPER
      All I'm asking is for a little future
      cooperation.  I could predict future
      outbursts of attack activity in the
      area.  Use me...Let me use you.  I
      scored 93 on my Orals, for crying
      out loud!

        BRODY
      We've had two other attacks since
      the Watkins thing, both fatal.
      Could you kill it for us?

        HOOPER
       (honest response)
      No sir, I couldn't.

        BRODY
      Then how do we begin to cooperate?

        HOOPER
      By letting me see Christine Watkins.


All right, you know the drill. What do we learn about Matt Hooper here?
  • Physical description: Young, backpacker type, wears glasses. 
  • Has a boat with a dive cage. We can expect to see this cage used in the future. 
  • He's a shark expert. There's no missing that. He starts quoting shark facts as soon as he opens his mouth. He also gives his professional credentials up front.
  • He's been tracking a man-eating shark, likely this shark, for months. He even tagged it, and has accurately predicted its pattern of travel. 
  • He kinda... likes talking about how smart he is. He got a 93 on his orals, for crying out loud!
  • He can't kill the shark. 
  • He's needy. He basically is pleading with Brody to help him prove his theory. 
Some interesting stuff to pick over in this character intro. The first is how heavy-handed the scene is about telling us how smart Matt Hooper is. He quotes shark facts. He's basically working with three prestigious scientific bodies at the same time. He got a 93 on his orals, for crying out loud!

We get it. He's smart. He tells us in three different ways in case we missed it. And he's also needy, almost whiny. I can't imagine this incarnation of the character really winning over the audience.

The second interesting thing for me is that Matt Hooper has a history with this shark. He and this shark go way back. He's literally been chasing this shark for months.

I'm going to say it straight: this is a terrible idea, for two big reasons:
  1. Giving Hooper a long history with the shark diminishes the protagonist/antagonist relationship between the shark and Brody. Brody suddenly feels like a little brother tagging along on date. 
  2. It kills the mystery of the shark, changing it from an unknowable killing machine to a predictable, pretty well-understood creature. Still scary if you happen to be dog-paddling around Amity, to be sure, but not the boogeyman for the audience that it was until now. We're just lucky Hooper has resisted the urge to give the shark a cute nickname, like Harvey or Toothy McGee or something.
And now, let's talk about foreshadowing. There's not much there, aside from the presence of the cage on the deck of Hooper's boat, which might as well have a red siren on it. Benchley even points out the the other people in the scene notice the cage. There's foreshadowing, and there's screaming. This is screaming.

So, how does this scene change in the revised version? Quite a bit. But if you've seen the movie recently, you'll notice that a lot of Hooper's personality is still MIA. Let's take a look.

 71 ANGLE LOOKING OUT TO SEA      71

  Making its way through the channel towards the dock is a
  sleek, expensive runabout with the name Fascinatin Rhythm"
  on the stern.  It's professionally handled, and rumbles in as
  it coasts in towards the dock area.  Some other boats clear
  the way for it, zig-zagging in the harbor, causing an annoy-
  ing chop.
 
 72 CLOSE ON BOAT        72

  Matt Hooper, a bearded, bespectacled young man with an intent
  look, is maneuvering the vessel peering through his windscreen
  at the ragtag collection of seafaring loonies all around him. 
 
...
 
 75 BEN GARDNER AND HIS BOAT, FLICKA     75

  Matt Hooper is gliding into the dockside, and Ben throws him a
  line to help make fast as he moors.  It's a small island of
  courtesy in an otherwise discourteous mob.  Hooper nods politely
  as he ties his boat up and steps onto the dock.

        HOOPER
      Hello.

        GARDNER
      Hello, back.

  He's standing near where Brody is finishing after his encounter
  with the chummers.

  Brody approaches Ben Gardner.

        BRODY
      You going out too, Ben?

        GARDNER
      Might give it a try.  That three
      thousand bounty beats working for
      a living.
       (yells to his Mate)
      We ready?

  The Mate nods "Yes" and starts to prepare to get under way.
  Ben and his Mate move away from the dock, headed towards the
  channel and the open sea leaving Felix and Pratt to scamper
  around the dock looking for another ride.


 76 ANOTHER DOCK AREA, CLOSE BY      76

  A particularly awkward moment between a small sailboat and a
  couple of powerboats.  The sailboat is trying to hoist sail
  to make it away from the pier under sail, a real yachtsman's
  conceit, since Hornblower himself probably couldn't navigate
  through this mess.  Brody, a landlubber for sure, is trying
  to direct traffic to untangle this new mess.

        BRODY
      Just back up!  No, the other way!
      Cut it to your left!  Your other
      left!  The big boat, your front end
      is out way too far.  Little boat,
      stay still!

  Amidst all this, we can hear the angry shouts of the entangled
  crews.

        SKIPPER 1 (THE SAILBOAT)
      Dammit, a vessel under sail has the
      right of way!

        SKIPPER 2 (MOTORBOAT)
      You schmuck, you ain't under sail,
      you're goddam drifting!

        HOOPER
       (stepping in to help)
      Ahoy, sail!  You got an oar?  Well,
      scull it out!

        SAILBOAT SKIPPER
      Tell that stinkpotter to belay!

        MOTORBOAT SKIPPER
      Tell that ragsetter I'm going to
      poke him in the snoot!

        HOOPER
      Just cast off in turn and make for
      the channel, OK?

        BRODY
      Thanks.

  Brody starts back towards the shore, Hooper is by his side.

        HOOPER
      Excuse me, I wonder if you could
      tell me....

  Before he can finish, Brody spots something on shore that
  moves him to shout to his deputy.

        HOOPER
       (noticing something)
      Is that dynamite?

  Brody looks, and stops by a boat that's about to cast off.
  He holds out his hand.

        BRODY
      If that's dynamite, give it here,
      or don't leave port.

        MAN
      Aw, c'mon, it's just fireworks.
      Sharks like fireworks, it attracts
      them.

        BRODY
      Hand it over.

  The man passes Brody a cigar box filled with dynamite sticks.
  Brody tucks the dynamite under his arm, and continues down
  the pier.  Hooper is still with him.

  All around them are two distinctly different breeds; the
  quiet pros, like Ben Gardner, in well-worn, comfortable
  clothes, with efficient, sensible gear, and the amateur
  crazies, with all manner of weapons and impractical, silly
  tourist clothing.


 76-A INT. DOCK SHED - DAY       76-A

  Brody is on the phone, talking to his office, trying to get
  Hendricks' attention.  He throws a handful of washers at the
  window.

        HOOPER
      There's a fantail launch out there
      that won't make it beyond the break-
      water.

        BRODY
      You're tellin' me.  I swear, this
      town has gone crazy.

        HOOPER
      Officer, I wonder if you could tell
      me where I could find Chief Brody?

        BRODY
      Who are you?

        HOOPER
      Hooper, Matt Hooper.  From the
      Oceanographic Institute.
       (holds out his
       hand)



All right. What do we know about this version of Matt Hooper?

  • Again, he has a boat. A "sleek, expensive runabout" named "Fascinating Rhythm." This Matt Hooper seems to have both money and culture. Also, amid the chaos of the amateur shark hunters, Matt handles his boat professionally. 
  • He's helpful: As soon as Hooper lands, he sees Brody struggling to direct boat traffic for probably the first time in his life. He gives quick, succinct directions to the boats to help them get clear. He also notices one of the boats carrying dynamite and alerts Brody.
  • He's from the Oceanographic Institute. 
Oddly, the scene just ends here. In the finished film, Brody and Hooper chat for another couple of moments.

We get some interesting new stuff in this version of script. Hooper's personality is far less nerdy, far less needy, and a bunch more helpful. All the stuff about Hooper's history with the shark has been thankfully excised. Also, the shark cage is no longer presented to the audience.

Instead of that heavy-handed bit of foreshadowing, though, we have something much subtler: the first person Matt Hooper meets upon arriving in Amity is Ben Gardner. In case you don't remember who that is, the link below should help refresh your memory (sorry, embedding disabled on this link; you'll have to do it the old-fashioned way):

Video: That's Ben Gardner's boat!

Personally, I think it was worth the trade-off. Not only do we get a moment of Hooper meeting Ben Gardner, but Gardner is also established as one of the non-crazies; a competent guy who knows what he's doing. His death ups the ante again on how dangerous this shark is. 

As much as this scene has changed, a lot of Hooper's personality is still missing here; particularly his acerbic sense of humor. Take a look at this transcript of the final film. (The full transcript is available here.)

[Hooper disembarking]
Hooper:
Hello.
Ben Gardner:
Hello back... young feller. How are ya? Say I hope you not going out with those nuts are ya?
Brody:
Lady would ya? The weak top boat's gotta move out first. You have to move out or he can't get out at all!
Hooper:
Boys, boys. Don't raise sail, your just going to luff with it. Do you have a paddle on the boat?
Fisherman:
Yeah I got a paddle.
Hooper:
So scull outta here.
Brody:
Thanks.
Hooper:
Officer, officer! Wait a second, wait a second! Just --
Brody:
Hey! How many guys are you going to put aboard that boat!
Fisherman:
Brody:
Yeah? Well that ain't safe!
Hooper:
Easy! Watch it, that's dynamite.
Brody:
Hey, what you gonna...what are you doing with that? Where are you going with that?!
Fisherman:
I'm going on the boat.
Brody:
Oh no, no, no! Please, please. Help get those guys out of the boat, will ya please?
Hooper:
Sure. Gentlemen, gentlemen?! The officer asked me to tell you that you're overloading that boat.
Fisherman:
Ah, get outta here! You ain't going there, what do you care? Hold on there.
Hooper:
Well then, can you tell me if there's a good restaurant or hotel on the island?
Fisherman:
Yeah ya walk straight ahead! Ha ha!
Hooper:
Ha ha they're all gonna die.

HARBOUR OFFICE

Brody:
Polly, listen to me. We got some road block signs outside. Now you.. you... you gotta get somebody to help us. Yeah get those, get those road block signs out on the highway. Because we got more people down here than we can handle.
Hendricks:
Ya?
Brody:
What are you doing out there? These are your people, go and talk to them!
Hendricks:
Those aren't my people! They're from all over the place! Did you see all the license plates out in the parking lot? Connecticut, Rhode Island, New Jersey. I'm all by myself out there! Um, what happened to the extra help we were supposed to be get?
Brody:
That's not until the fourth of July! Between now and then it's you and me!
Hooper:
Ah, you know those eight guys in the fan-tail launch out there?
Brody:
Yeah?
Hooper:
Well none of them are going to get out of the harbour alive.
Brody:
Lenny, that's what I'm talking about. You know their first names! Talk to those clowns!
Hooper:
Everybody seems to be having a really good time today.
Brody:
Tell me about it. Polly, I'll get back to you.
Hooper:
Listen, could you tell me how I could find chief Brody?
Brody:
Who are you?
Hooper:
Matt Hooper. I'm from the, uh, Oceanographic Institute.
Brody:
Oh for Christ's sakes! You're the guy we called. I'm Brody, I'm Brody!
Hooper:
Oh ho ho ho, very glad to meet you.
Brody:
Yea I'm glad to meet you too!
Hooper:
Listen, I know you got a lot on your hands right now but uh...
Brody:
What can we do for you?
Hooper:
Well I think the best thing for me to do is uh...see the remains of the first victim; the girl on the beach?
Brody:
Okay fine. Just bear with me will ya?
Hooper:
Sure.
Brody:
Thanks.

Did Hooper's personality emerge during one of the later dialogue polishes, or maybe through ad-libbing during the shoot. I wish I knew. But the final product adds some zing to the revised draft.

Hooper plays a critical role to building momentum in the final version of the film. If you stopped reading my other ScriptWalk entry to pop over here and read this, follow this link back to that entry.

Otherwise, thanks for reading!

(Photo cribbed from All That Comes With It, though I'm guessing the copyright is owned by Paramount.)

Friday, January 6, 2012

ScriptWalk: Jaws

Hey kids, and Happy New Year.

I'm trying something new with my blog this year, something that I have decided to call "ScriptWalk," mostly because I think it sounds cool and as far as google can tell me, no one else is using the term.

Here's the idea: I take a screenplay and "walk" (eh? eh? see what I'm doing here?) through several key scenes, with a particular focus on how scenes change and grow between drafts or between the written page and the finished scene.

Before I get started, I want to disclaim that I don't consider myself the world's foremost expert on scripts and movie making. But for me, dissecting scripts like this is just really fun, and I think it's a useful way to improve my own writing. I also don't see a lot of other people doing this, so it seems like a good little niche to be in.

Without further ado, the inaugural script: Jaws.

ScriptWalk: Jaws

Jaws is one of those movies that I'll watch over and over again, any time, without hesitation. Seriously, if my house is ever on fire, I hope that Jaws isn't playing on the TV, because I'll just sit on the couch and slowly cook to death.

The storyline is almost insulting in its simplicity:

1: Shark eats beach-goers.
2: Guys go after shark.
3: Things go poorly.

The production had well more than its fair share of problems, but one of the biggest and earliest challenges was getting the script right.

The original drafts were written by Peter Benchley, who wrote the original novel that the movie was based on. After a few drafts, Benchley pulled out and Carl Gottlieb stepped in to do a polish on the dialogue. Instead of a mere polish, though, Gottlieb ended up doing a major rewrite of the entire script. In addition, John Milius did some further script polishing, and Matthew Robbins and Hal Barwood also contributed. On top of that, there's still a little debate about who was responsible for the famous "Indianapolis" scene, but we'll get to that later.

Though the scripts aren't widely available online, I did manage to track down a pair of drafts through the magic of google. One is labeled as an early draft of the film, and the other is noted as being near-final.

I thought it would be fun and enlightening (or "funlightening") to compare a few scenes from these two drafts, to see how they changed during the rewriting process. Universal prefers that Jaws scripts not be posted online, so I won't post any direct links, but I will include a few brief excerpts for educational purposes. Where possible, I'll also embed links to the video from the final scenes, so you can see how the finished product looks.

Scene 1: Meet Sheriff Brody

The movie starts with a bang (or more of a "thump, scream, gurgle") with an attractive young girl skinny dipping straight into the maw of death. This scene is more or less the same in both drafts, although Gottlieb's rewrites add a little more clarity as to what's going on.

The next morning, we meet our hero, Martin Brody.

Let's take a look at how the early draft handles this intro:


 10 INTERIOR - MARTIN BRODY'S BEDROOM - DAWN    10

  ALARM CLOCK-RADIO

  giving weather bulletin:  marina weather, westerly winds,
  light chop, etc.

  A pair of bumps under the bedsheets.  There is a rustling
  and two stockinged feet swing up and settle heavily on the
  floor.  Follow them as the pad along from hardwood floor
  to bathroom tile.  A light pops on and the feet arrive at a
  scale, board it.


 11 INSERT - SCALE DIAL       11

  In a blur it goes to 191.  Then, as if by magic, the numbers
  float backward to 160.


 12 ANGLE         12

  Martin Brody at forty-two, stands rigid, lifting himself
  from the sink counter-top with both hands.  Satisfied, he
  turns toward the mirror, squinting in the light, measuring
  himself up and down.  Advancing waistline, receding hairline.
  Gray around the ears.  Martin Brody makes another silent
  promise to get his act together -- tomorrow.

  He reaches for the sliding mirror and opens the medicine
  cabinet.  There is a travel brochure of Arizona attached
  to the shelf.  Brody shakes his head and removes it.  He
  closes the mirror which now reflects his wife, Ellen Brody,
  pert and poised off to one side.

        ELLEN
      Martin.  Aren't you tired of Maine
      lobster, Long Island duckling and
      Ispwitch clams.  Just once couldn't
      go for a Big Mac at the bottom of
      the Grand Canyon this summer?

        BRODY
      Look at me, I'm not even awake.

        ELLEN
      You've had no time off in two years,
      Martin.

        BRODY
      Living here is time off.

  Brody opens the shower door to turn on the water.  Ellen
  has scotch-taped a travel folder for exotic Mazatlan, Mexico
  on the shower head.


 13 INTERIOR - BRODY BEDROOM - MORNING     13

  Martin is getting dressed after his shower.  Ellen stands
  by the curtained window.

        BRODY
      Larry Vaughn says we'll pull a record
      season.  Ellen, we're collecting high
      enough rentals to cover the mortgage
      payments for all three of our beach-
      front investments.

        ELLEN
      I know where we can invest in an Indian
      Chief Motor-home for the whole of August,
      drop it off in Aspen, Colorado and jet
      back to Boston by Labor Day.

  Ellen pulls from behind her back three brochures of trailer
  home rentals.

        BRODY
      Uh...look, Ellie.  Let's just ---

        ELLEN
       (completes the
       sentence)
      -- play it by ear.

  Ellen turns to open the curtains.  Sunlight and ocean
  sparkle pour in.  A glorious view.

        ELLEN
       (false happiness)
      Another shitty day in Paradise.

  The sunlight catches Brody's Police Chief badge as he slips
  on his shirt, and we discover why he can't go anywhere.


 14 INTERIOR - BRODY'S KITCHEN - MORNING     14

  Brody, ripping open a twenty-five pound bag of Kennel Ration
  as five hungry mutts somersault around his feet.  The tele-
  phone rings, and Brody one-hands it as he attempts to sow
  all five doggy bowls with missed double-helpings.

        BRODY
      Mornin' Hendricks.  What's what?

  He listens, sours, and takes a breath.

        BRODY
      First goddamn weekend of the summer...
      great start!
       (beat)
      No...take him back to the beach.
      Maybe she washed in.

So: What do we know about Brody? Let's review:
  • He's vain: The first thing he does in the morning is get out of bed, weigh himself, and then cheat the scale so it reads 30 pounds lighter. 
  • He's getting old: Paunchy, receding hairline, graying hair. 
  • He lives somewhere in New England: Hence all the local food references; Maine lobster, etc.
  • He works a lot: His wife, Ellen, wants a vacation. He's not biting. 
  • They've got roots: Brody hasn't had a day off in 2 years and the family owns 3 real estate properties. They're at least fairly well integrated into the community. 
  • He's a cop: He's got a sheriff's badge. 
  • They have five dogs: That's a lot of dogs. 
  • He knows the ropes: He gets a phone call, presumably about the girl who vanished the night before. He's annoyed, but not shocked, which implies that there's no evidence of the shark yet. Probably just some drowning, and Martin knows that she'll probably wash in to shore. 
Okay. So we've got a paunchy, overworked, dog-loving sheriff who works a lot, knows the town, and is familiar with the ins and outs of being a sheriff in a vacation resort town. He's married, but Ellen seems unhappy, wants a vacation, and it's an old argument between them.

We don't know if Brody has a kid, or kids. There's no indication that there are any kids in their lives, so it's tempting to assume it's just Martin and Ellen.

Let's also take a look at the seeds that get planted in this scene. We're still early in the film; the audience is going to be absorbing details, either consciously or unconsciously, to figure out what they're in for. What do we know about these characters? What's important to them? How do they feel about each other? What are their strengths and weaknesses? What will happen to them? What lies ahead?

Obviously, you're not going to get answers to all those questions crammed into a single scene so early in the movie, but you will get seeds of answers; little hints, clues, and bits of foreshadowing that will start pointing you in the right direction.

On some level, the audience is going to pick up on the details planted in this scene, and will either consciously or unconsciously want those details to pay off later in the movie. So if the writer emphasizes anything in this scene, he's essentially saying "Look at this. This will be important later. Don't forget it."

So what gets emphasized in this scene?
  • Ellen Brody really wants a vacation.
  • The Brodys own a lot of dogs.
  • Martin Brody is a cop who works too much.
  • The Brodys don't have a great relationship.
Now we're getting to the meat of the problem with this scene. Clues and hints are planted that will have absolutely no payoff later on. The Brodys' lack of vacation does not become a major plot point. At no time do Brodys' pack of dogs play a major role in the storyline. Martin and Brody do not have some sort of marital strife that comes to a head in the second act (although, it's worth noting that in Benchley's novel, Ellen does have an affair... with Matt Hooper. Try imagining that scene in the final film.)

Sheriff Brody's intro scene falls flat, with hints and foreshadowing that don't hint or foreshadow. So let's take a look at a later version of the same scene, after Gottlieb's rewrites:



 10 INT. BRODY HOUSE - BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING    10

  A shaft of morning sun blasts through the crack between the
  bottom of the shade and the windowsill, falling across the
  heads of the sleeping couple on the bed.  It catches Martin
  Brody right across the eyes, bringing him up from sleep.  The
  job is completed by the clock radio, which clicks on with
  local fisherman's report and weather.

        RADIO ANNCR (v.o.)
      Hayes Landing reports conditions
      good, with stripers and jacks.
      The Coast Guard has no storm warn-
      ing from Block Island to Cape
      Hatteras; a light chop with
      freshening winds, continued clear
      and mild....(etc.)

  Ellen Brody burrows her head under the covers, avoiding morn-
  ing for a few precious minutes more.

        BRODY
      How come the sun didn't used to
      shine in here?

        ELLEN
      'cause when we bought the house it
      was Autumn.  This is summer.  Feed
      the dogs.

  We hear the scampering toenails of two cocker spaniels scrab-
  bling around the foot of the bed.  Brody swings out of bed,
  wearing shorts, socks, and tee shirt.

        BRODY
      Right.

        ELLEN
      Do you see the kids?

        BRODY
      Probably out in the back yard.

        ELLEN
      In Amity, you say 'Yahd.'
       (she gives it
       the Boston sound)

        BRODY
      The kids are in the yahd, playing
      near the cah.  How's that sound?

        ELLEN
      Like you're from N'Yawk.
       (gives it
       Brooklyn sound)

        BRODY
      Give me 30 years, I'll get it.

  He leads the dogs out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen.


 11 INT. BRODY KITCHEN - MORNING      11

  Brody enters, sets down some dog food, goes to make coffee,
  starts to fill kettle to boil water, the cold water rushes
  through and out the burnt-out bottom of the kettle.

        BRODY
      Did you burn another kettle?
      Y'know you're a fire hazard?
      This is the third one!

        ELLEN (o.s.)
      I never hear the whistle.

        BRODY
      Feed the dogs.

  Ellen Brody, a tall, attractive blonde woman, enters from up-
  stairs.  She's still slightly sleepy, not what you'd call an
  "Instant-On" person.  Mornings are not her best time.

        ELLEN
      You want to go through those?
       (she indicates
       bag of clothes)
      I'm taking them to the Thrift
      Shop.  It's Marcia Vaughn's pet
      charity.  Pick out what you want
      to keep -- it's mostly your city
      clothes.

        BRODY
       (looking through
       bag, remembering)
      I used to wear this to the Garden.
      Garbage strikes.  Dog shit.  Mug-
      gers.
       (he puts it all
       behind.)
      Ship it.

        ELLEN
      Don’t be silly – You’re going to
      make summer better for them....

  Before Brody can answer, Michael, his oldest boy, enters,
  holding his hand.  There is bright new blood on it, but he
  is sensibly unconcerned.  It’s a normal childhood scrape.

        MICHAEL
      Cut my hand.  Hit by a vampire.

        BRODY
      On the swing?  I told you not to
      play near there until I sanded
      it down.
       (to Ellen)
      See what your son did?

        ELLEN
      Go upstairs and bring Mommy a
      band-aid.

  Michael goes on out and upstairs.  Ellen fumbles in her pocket
  and produces Brody’s new glasses, which she holds out to him.

        ELLEN
      Don’t forget these.

        BRODY
      Oh, yeah.
       (he puts them on)
      How do I look?  Older, huh?

        ELLEN
      I think they make you look sexy.

  Brody reacts to this, and bends to kiss her lightly.  Then
  more seriously.

        BRODY
      Sexy, hm?  What was I before?

        ELLEN
      Older, sillier.

        BRODY
       (as he goes to make
       coffee, he fumbles
       with the new glasses)
      I don’t want to depend on these
      things, y’know – sometimes you
      can weaken your eyes.

  He looks out the window to the view beyond, discovering some
  new wonder in the fresh sunlit morning.


 12 BRODY’S POINT OF VIEW – OUTSIDE THE HOUSE    12

  Sean, the younger child, is happily romping in the summer
  air, enjoying the very air he breathes.

        BRODY
      Let’s see....

  The phone rings.


 13 INT. BRODY KITCHEN – DAY      13

  Brody answers one of two phones on the wall.

        BRODY
      Brody...yeah, what’s up...mmm...
      Well, what do they usually do,
      float or wash up?  Really?...okay,
      I’ll meet both of you at the
      beach in
       (checks watch)
      ...20 minutes, okay?  Okay.
       (hangs up)
      First goddam weekend of the summer.

  Michael reenters in bathing trunks, with a towel on his
  shoulder, his hand washed, holding a band-aid ready for
  application.  Ellen takes it, and bandages the finger with
  care and affection.

        ELLEN
      There.
       (to Brody)
      What was that?

  Michael heads toward the beach.

        BRODY
       (struggling to get
       his shirt on over
       his glasses)
      The office.

  He gets his shirt on with Ellen’s help.  She flicks imaginary
  dust from the badge on his chest.

        ELLEN
      Be careful.

        BRODY
      Here?  You gotta be kiddin’.

  He gives her a light kiss, starts to go, with his cup.

        BRODY
      Love ya.

        ELLEN
       (kissing him back)
      Hey Chief.  Bring my cup back.

  At the door, he takes a windbreaker off a peg and goes on out.
  We can see the Amity Police shoulder patch as he goes to a
  van parked outside.



Okay, let's take a look at this revised scene. It's tempting to just say that it works better, but since this is much closer to the final product, we don't want to fall into the trap of just thinking something works because we're used to it. Is this really a better scene? And if so, why?

First, what do we learn about this incarnation of Martin Brody?
  • New in town: We establish from a couple of lines of exposition; the light changing since they bought the place last autumn, the line about the "cah" and the "yahd." Which brings us to...
  • From New York: Brody's a New Yorker. He sounds like he's from New York, he used to go the the Garden (Madison Square Garden, of course.) Which brings us to...
  • He came to Amity to escape the city: Brody looks at the bag of his old city clothes with disgust. He wants it all gone. Which brings us to...
  • He's a family man: A wife, two sons, and two dogs. He not only has two kids, but he cares about them enough to get them out of New York to grow up in a nice quiet place like Amity. 
  • He loves his wife: They have a great relationship. Good-natured teasing, affectionate, good chemistry. They have a comfortable, lived-in marriage. 
  • He's still a little worried about getting old: Instead of his weight and looks, Brody's aging here is signified by his new glasses.
  • He's Chief of Police, but he doesn't know the job yet: We know he's been in town only a few months, but to drive the point home, Brody doesn't tell his deputy on the phone that the body will wash up. He asks about it. He doesn't know the ropes yet. This is a hugely important part of his character, and a major engine for the plot, and it's planted neatly in just a couple lines of dialogue. 
That's a decent summary of what we learn about Brody. But Gottlieb's draft goes a step further, by planting hints and foreshadowing about the story itself. Such as:

  • Blood: The first time we meet Brody's older son, Michael, he's bleeding. That's not just some accidental detail; it does some real narrative work: 
    • The presence of Michael's bloody injury hints that even in this seemingly peaceful location, danger is lurking. Amity isn't as safe as it looks. 
    • The idea of blood will obviously be a big theme in the storyline, as sharks are drawn to blood. We'll see blood in the water during the shark's attack on Alex Kintner, we'll see fishermen using bloody chum to draw the shark out, blood will spill during the battle with the shark. The word "blood" is spoken or used as a description about 28 times in the script. This family scene on perfectly dry land is like the first rumble of thunder on the horizon. Blood is about to become a big part of these people's lives.
    • The fact that Michael is injured foreshadows the danger he faces in the saltwater pond. In fact, he's in real danger, not just symbolic danger, starting now
      • Here, he gets cut, exposing his shark-attracting blood. (Michael's joking line about getting attacked by a vampire is interesting. He could have easily said he just cut his hand on the swing, but instead says that he was attacked by a monster.)
      • He goes to get a band-aid, and comes back down in his swim trunks, clearly ready to hit the water, cut or no cut. The Brodys have no idea, but they just sent their son to play in shark-infested waters with an open wound.
      • Later, he sits in his birthday present - a boat - causing Brody (and then Ellen) to panic about his safety.
  • Danger: This ties into the idea of blood above; but goes a little further. 
    • Michael's injury on the swing/shark-baiting swim is a clear foreshadowing of Amity's dangerous side. 
    • We also have Ellen's warning to Martin: Be careful.
    • Martin jokes with Ellen being a fire hazard after she ruins a third teapot. It might be a stretch, but it's interesting that Martin mentions danger while water pours from the bottom of the kettle.
  • Blindness: Again, this will tie into "blood" and "danger" above, but we get the first hints that the people of Amity will be blind or oblivious to the danger that faces them:
    • The first time we see Brody, a beam of light hits him in the eyes, blinding him. Ellen instinctively buries her head under the covers. 
    • Ellen's response after Brody teases her about ruining another kettle: I never hear the whistle.
    • Ellen mentions Marcia Vaughn; the wife of Mayor Vaughn, who is the most willfully oblivious person in the entire town.
    • Brody's need for glasses, and his line about his eyes getting weak. After he puts on his glasses, he says "Let's see"  while watching Sean play outside.
    • After Ellen warns Brody to be careful, he dismisses the idea: Here? You gotta be kiddin.
While some of these might seem like a stretch, remember that they were all intentionally added to the later draft of the script. A scene that once did an okay job of introducing a character now introduces a character more fully while kicking off several major themes that will drive the rest of the story. If that's an accident, it's a damn happy one.

That's it for the first part of the Jaws ScriptWalk. Next time I'll tackle another major character introduction. You'll have to wait to see who. (Part 2 now posted online.)

(Jaws poster image copyright Universal Pictures. Intended for educational use only.)