Hey kids, and Happy New Year. I'm trying something new with my blog this year, something that I have decided to call "ScriptWalk," mostly because I think it sounds cool and as far as google can tell me, no one else is using the term.
Here's the idea: I take a screenplay and "walk" (eh? eh? see what I'm doing here?) through several key scenes, with a particular focus on how scenes change and grow between drafts or between the written page and the finished scene.
Before I get started, I want to disclaim that I don't consider myself the world's foremost expert on scripts and movie making. But for me, dissecting scripts like this is just really fun, and I think it's a useful way to improve my own writing. I also don't see a lot of other people doing this, so it seems like a good little niche to be in.
Without further ado, the inaugural script: Jaws.
ScriptWalk: Jaws
Jaws is one of those movies that I'll watch over and over again, any time, without hesitation. Seriously, if my house is ever on fire, I hope that Jaws isn't playing on the TV, because I'll just sit on the couch and slowly cook to death.
The storyline is almost insulting in its simplicity:
1: Shark eats beach-goers.
2: Guys go after shark.
3: Things go poorly.
The production had well more than its fair share of problems, but one of the biggest and earliest challenges was getting the script right.
The original drafts were written by Peter Benchley, who wrote the original novel that the movie was based on. After a few drafts, Benchley pulled out and Carl Gottlieb stepped in to do a polish on the dialogue. Instead of a mere polish, though, Gottlieb ended up doing a major rewrite of the entire script. In addition, John Milius did some further script polishing, and Matthew Robbins and Hal Barwood also contributed. On top of that, there's still a little debate about who was responsible for the famous "Indianapolis" scene, but we'll get to that later.
Though the scripts aren't widely available online, I did manage to track down a pair of drafts through the magic of google. One is labeled as an early draft of the film, and the other is noted as being near-final.
I thought it would be fun and enlightening (or "funlightening") to compare a few scenes from these two drafts, to see how they changed during the rewriting process. Universal prefers that Jaws scripts not be posted online, so I won't post any direct links, but I will include a few brief excerpts for educational purposes. Where possible, I'll also embed links to the video from the final scenes, so you can see how the finished product looks.
Scene 1: Meet Sheriff Brody
The movie starts with a bang (or more of a "thump, scream, gurgle") with an attractive young girl skinny dipping straight into the maw of death. This scene is more or less the same in both drafts, although Gottlieb's rewrites add a little more clarity as to what's going on.
The next morning, we meet our hero, Martin Brody.
Let's take a look at how the early draft handles this intro:
10 INTERIOR - MARTIN BRODY'S BEDROOM - DAWN 10
ALARM CLOCK-RADIO
giving weather bulletin: marina weather, westerly winds,
light chop, etc.
A pair of bumps under the bedsheets. There is a rustling
and two stockinged feet swing up and settle heavily on the
floor. Follow them as the pad along from hardwood floor
to bathroom tile. A light pops on and the feet arrive at a
scale, board it.
11 INSERT - SCALE DIAL 11
In a blur it goes to 191. Then, as if by magic, the numbers
float backward to 160.
12 ANGLE 12
Martin Brody at forty-two, stands rigid, lifting himself
from the sink counter-top with both hands. Satisfied, he
turns toward the mirror, squinting in the light, measuring
himself up and down. Advancing waistline, receding hairline.
Gray around the ears. Martin Brody makes another silent
promise to get his act together -- tomorrow.
He reaches for the sliding mirror and opens the medicine
cabinet. There is a travel brochure of Arizona attached
to the shelf. Brody shakes his head and removes it. He
closes the mirror which now reflects his wife, Ellen Brody,
pert and poised off to one side.
ELLEN
Martin. Aren't you tired of Maine
lobster, Long Island duckling and
Ispwitch clams. Just once couldn't
go for a Big Mac at the bottom of
the Grand Canyon this summer?
BRODY
Look at me, I'm not even awake.
ELLEN
You've had no time off in two years,
Martin.
BRODY
Living here is time off.
Brody opens the shower door to turn on the water. Ellen
has scotch-taped a travel folder for exotic Mazatlan, Mexico
on the shower head.
13 INTERIOR - BRODY BEDROOM - MORNING 13
Martin is getting dressed after his shower. Ellen stands
by the curtained window.
BRODY
Larry Vaughn says we'll pull a record
season. Ellen, we're collecting high
enough rentals to cover the mortgage
payments for all three of our beach-
front investments.
ELLEN
I know where we can invest in an Indian
Chief Motor-home for the whole of August,
drop it off in Aspen, Colorado and jet
back to Boston by Labor Day.
Ellen pulls from behind her back three brochures of trailer
home rentals.
BRODY
Uh...look, Ellie. Let's just ---
ELLEN
(completes the
sentence)
-- play it by ear.
Ellen turns to open the curtains. Sunlight and ocean
sparkle pour in. A glorious view.
ELLEN
(false happiness)
Another shitty day in Paradise.
The sunlight catches Brody's Police Chief badge as he slips
on his shirt, and we discover why he can't go anywhere.
14 INTERIOR - BRODY'S KITCHEN - MORNING 14
Brody, ripping open a twenty-five pound bag of Kennel Ration
as five hungry mutts somersault around his feet. The tele-
phone rings, and Brody one-hands it as he attempts to sow
all five doggy bowls with missed double-helpings.
BRODY
Mornin' Hendricks. What's what?
He listens, sours, and takes a breath.
BRODY
First goddamn weekend of the summer...
great start!
(beat)
No...take him back to the beach.
Maybe she washed in.
So: What do we know about Brody? Let's review:
- He's vain: The first thing he does in the morning is get out of bed, weigh himself, and then cheat the scale so it reads 30 pounds lighter.
- He's getting old: Paunchy, receding hairline, graying hair.
- He lives somewhere in New England: Hence all the local food references; Maine lobster, etc.
- He works a lot: His wife, Ellen, wants a vacation. He's not biting.
- They've got roots: Brody hasn't had a day off in 2 years and the family owns 3 real estate properties. They're at least fairly well integrated into the community.
- He's a cop: He's got a sheriff's badge.
- They have five dogs: That's a lot of dogs.
- He knows the ropes: He gets a phone call, presumably about the girl who vanished the night before. He's annoyed, but not shocked, which implies that there's no evidence of the shark yet. Probably just some drowning, and Martin knows that she'll probably wash in to shore.
We don't know if Brody has a kid, or kids. There's no indication that there are any kids in their lives, so it's tempting to assume it's just Martin and Ellen.
Let's also take a look at the seeds that get planted in this scene. We're still early in the film; the audience is going to be absorbing details, either consciously or unconsciously, to figure out what they're in for. What do we know about these characters? What's important to them? How do they feel about each other? What are their strengths and weaknesses? What will happen to them? What lies ahead?
Obviously, you're not going to get answers to all those questions crammed into a single scene so early in the movie, but you will get seeds of answers; little hints, clues, and bits of foreshadowing that will start pointing you in the right direction.
On some level, the audience is going to pick up on the details planted in this scene, and will either consciously or unconsciously want those details to pay off later in the movie. So if the writer emphasizes anything in this scene, he's essentially saying "Look at this. This will be important later. Don't forget it."
So what gets emphasized in this scene?
- Ellen Brody really wants a vacation.
- The Brodys own a lot of dogs.
- Martin Brody is a cop who works too much.
- The Brodys don't have a great relationship.
Sheriff Brody's intro scene falls flat, with hints and foreshadowing that don't hint or foreshadow. So let's take a look at a later version of the same scene, after Gottlieb's rewrites:
10 INT. BRODY HOUSE - BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING 10
A shaft of morning sun blasts through the crack between the
bottom of the shade and the windowsill, falling across the
heads of the sleeping couple on the bed. It catches Martin
Brody right across the eyes, bringing him up from sleep. The
job is completed by the clock radio, which clicks on with
local fisherman's report and weather.
RADIO ANNCR (v.o.)
Hayes Landing reports conditions
good, with stripers and jacks.
The Coast Guard has no storm warn-
ing from Block Island to Cape
Hatteras; a light chop with
freshening winds, continued clear
and mild....(etc.)
Ellen Brody burrows her head under the covers, avoiding morn-
ing for a few precious minutes more.
BRODY
How come the sun didn't used to
shine in here?
ELLEN
'cause when we bought the house it
was Autumn. This is summer. Feed
the dogs.
We hear the scampering toenails of two cocker spaniels scrab-
bling around the foot of the bed. Brody swings out of bed,
wearing shorts, socks, and tee shirt.
BRODY
Right.
ELLEN
Do you see the kids?
BRODY
Probably out in the back yard.
ELLEN
In Amity, you say 'Yahd.'
(she gives it
the Boston sound)
BRODY
The kids are in the yahd, playing
near the cah. How's that sound?
ELLEN
Like you're from N'Yawk.
(gives it
Brooklyn sound)
BRODY
Give me 30 years, I'll get it.
He leads the dogs out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen.
11 INT. BRODY KITCHEN - MORNING 11
Brody enters, sets down some dog food, goes to make coffee,
starts to fill kettle to boil water, the cold water rushes
through and out the burnt-out bottom of the kettle.
BRODY
Did you burn another kettle?
Y'know you're a fire hazard?
This is the third one!
ELLEN (o.s.)
I never hear the whistle.
BRODY
Feed the dogs.
Ellen Brody, a tall, attractive blonde woman, enters from up-
stairs. She's still slightly sleepy, not what you'd call an
"Instant-On" person. Mornings are not her best time.
ELLEN
You want to go through those?
(she indicates
bag of clothes)
I'm taking them to the Thrift
Shop. It's Marcia Vaughn's pet
charity. Pick out what you want
to keep -- it's mostly your city
clothes.
BRODY
(looking through
bag, remembering)
I used to wear this to the Garden.
Garbage strikes. Dog shit. Mug-
gers.
(he puts it all
behind.)
Ship it.
ELLEN
Don’t be silly – You’re going to
make summer better for them....
Before Brody can answer, Michael, his oldest boy, enters,
holding his hand. There is bright new blood on it, but he
is sensibly unconcerned. It’s a normal childhood scrape.
MICHAEL
Cut my hand. Hit by a vampire.
BRODY
On the swing? I told you not to
play near there until I sanded
it down.
(to Ellen)
See what your son did?
ELLEN
Go upstairs and bring Mommy a
band-aid.
Michael goes on out and upstairs. Ellen fumbles in her pocket
and produces Brody’s new glasses, which she holds out to him.
ELLEN
Don’t forget these.
BRODY
Oh, yeah.
(he puts them on)
How do I look? Older, huh?
ELLEN
I think they make you look sexy.
Brody reacts to this, and bends to kiss her lightly. Then
more seriously.
BRODY
Sexy, hm? What was I before?
ELLEN
Older, sillier.
BRODY
(as he goes to make
coffee, he fumbles
with the new glasses)
I don’t want to depend on these
things, y’know – sometimes you
can weaken your eyes.
He looks out the window to the view beyond, discovering some
new wonder in the fresh sunlit morning.
12 BRODY’S POINT OF VIEW – OUTSIDE THE HOUSE 12
Sean, the younger child, is happily romping in the summer
air, enjoying the very air he breathes.
BRODY
Let’s see....
The phone rings.
13 INT. BRODY KITCHEN – DAY 13
Brody answers one of two phones on the wall.
BRODY
Brody...yeah, what’s up...mmm...
Well, what do they usually do,
float or wash up? Really?...okay,
I’ll meet both of you at the
beach in
(checks watch)
...20 minutes, okay? Okay.
(hangs up)
First goddam weekend of the summer.
Michael reenters in bathing trunks, with a towel on his
shoulder, his hand washed, holding a band-aid ready for
application. Ellen takes it, and bandages the finger with
care and affection.
ELLEN
There.
(to Brody)
What was that?
Michael heads toward the beach.
BRODY
(struggling to get
his shirt on over
his glasses)
The office.
He gets his shirt on with Ellen’s help. She flicks imaginary
dust from the badge on his chest.
ELLEN
Be careful.
BRODY
Here? You gotta be kiddin’.
He gives her a light kiss, starts to go, with his cup.
BRODY
Love ya.
ELLEN
(kissing him back)
Hey Chief. Bring my cup back.
At the door, he takes a windbreaker off a peg and goes on out.
We can see the Amity Police shoulder patch as he goes to a
van parked outside.
Okay, let's take a look at this revised scene. It's tempting to just say that it works better, but since this is much closer to the final product, we don't want to fall into the trap of just thinking something works because we're used to it. Is this really a better scene? And if so, why?
First, what do we learn about this incarnation of Martin Brody?
- New in town: We establish from a couple of lines of exposition; the light changing since they bought the place last autumn, the line about the "cah" and the "yahd." Which brings us to...
- From New York: Brody's a New Yorker. He sounds like he's from New York, he used to go the the Garden (Madison Square Garden, of course.) Which brings us to...
- He came to Amity to escape the city: Brody looks at the bag of his old city clothes with disgust. He wants it all gone. Which brings us to...
- He's a family man: A wife, two sons, and two dogs. He not only has two kids, but he cares about them enough to get them out of New York to grow up in a nice quiet place like Amity.
- He loves his wife: They have a great relationship. Good-natured teasing, affectionate, good chemistry. They have a comfortable, lived-in marriage.
- He's still a little worried about getting old: Instead of his weight and looks, Brody's aging here is signified by his new glasses.
- He's Chief of Police, but he doesn't know the job yet: We know he's been in town only a few months, but to drive the point home, Brody doesn't tell his deputy on the phone that the body will wash up. He asks about it. He doesn't know the ropes yet. This is a hugely important part of his character, and a major engine for the plot, and it's planted neatly in just a couple lines of dialogue.
- Blood: The first time we meet Brody's older son, Michael, he's bleeding. That's not just some accidental detail; it does some real narrative work:
- The presence of Michael's bloody injury hints that even in this seemingly peaceful location, danger is lurking. Amity isn't as safe as it looks.
- The idea of blood will obviously be a big theme in the storyline, as sharks are drawn to blood. We'll see blood in the water during the shark's attack on Alex Kintner, we'll see fishermen using bloody chum to draw the shark out, blood will spill during the battle with the shark. The word "blood" is spoken or used as a description about 28 times in the script. This family scene on perfectly dry land is like the first rumble of thunder on the horizon. Blood is about to become a big part of these people's lives.
- The fact that Michael is injured foreshadows the danger he faces in the saltwater pond. In fact, he's in real danger, not just symbolic danger, starting now:
- Here, he gets cut, exposing his shark-attracting blood. (Michael's joking line about getting attacked by a vampire is interesting. He could have easily said he just cut his hand on the swing, but instead says that he was attacked by a monster.)
- He goes to get a band-aid, and comes back down in his swim trunks, clearly ready to hit the water, cut or no cut. The Brodys have no idea, but they just sent their son to play in shark-infested waters with an open wound.
- Later, he sits in his birthday present - a boat - causing Brody (and then Ellen) to panic about his safety.
- Danger: This ties into the idea of blood above; but goes a little further.
- Michael's injury on the swing/shark-baiting swim is a clear foreshadowing of Amity's dangerous side.
- We also have Ellen's warning to Martin: Be careful.
- Martin jokes with Ellen being a fire hazard after she ruins a third teapot. It might be a stretch, but it's interesting that Martin mentions danger while water pours from the bottom of the kettle.
- Blindness: Again, this will tie into "blood" and "danger" above, but we get the first hints that the people of Amity will be blind or oblivious to the danger that faces them:
- The first time we see Brody, a beam of light hits him in the eyes, blinding him. Ellen instinctively buries her head under the covers.
- Ellen's response after Brody teases her about ruining another kettle: I never hear the whistle.
- Ellen mentions Marcia Vaughn; the wife of Mayor Vaughn, who is the most willfully oblivious person in the entire town.
- Brody's need for glasses, and his line about his eyes getting weak. After he puts on his glasses, he says "Let's see" while watching Sean play outside.
- After Ellen warns Brody to be careful, he dismisses the idea: Here? You gotta be kiddin.
That's it for the first part of the Jaws ScriptWalk. Next time I'll tackle another major character introduction. You'll have to wait to see who. (Part 2 now posted online.)
(Jaws poster image copyright Universal Pictures. Intended for educational use only.)
