5.
Jesus
Christ, I had no idea things were this bad. What the hell have I gotten myself
into?
I thought
things were rough in San Francisco, but holy crap. It is bad out here. It is bad.
I’m one day into my trip and I’m actually pretty sure that I’m going to die.
How the hell did I not know about this? It is like Mad Freaking Max out here.
The
trains have been militarized, which I knew about in theory, but I figured it
was just a precautionary thing. Like reassurance. They did the same thing after
9/11 – there were soldiers in the airports, and they mostly just stood around,
keeping an eye on things, just being a presence.
This is
not that. This is like you will get shot if you stand in line for the bathroom.
This is like, if there’s a crowd of people waiting at the train station, we don’t stop there. This is terrifying. I
am terrified.
When we
got on the train, they ran us through the safety drill, and they played an
alarm tone for us. They said if we heard this tone, it was a crash warning. We check
our seatbelts, wrap our arms under our knees, and prepare for impact. They’ve
sounded that alarm fifteen times in
the past six hours. At least a couple times, we clearly hit something.
The
tracks are lined with tents, close enough that I don’t know how they don’t get
sucked off the ground by the train’s wake. The guy behind me said that the
people in the tents wait for the trains to break down, then they scramble in
and take what they can grab until the soldiers chase them off. Some of them get
on the tracks and try to force the trains to stop, but the trains don’t stop
for them anymore. Hence, y’know, all the alarms and soft collisions.
In
Chicago, I get off the train and get onto a bus. The train attendants have
walked us through what to expect, that we’ll basically be flanked by an armed
escort. They told us that if anyone starts shooting, to run in a zig-zag
pattern, either toward the bus (which, like the train, is armored), or back
toward the train, whichever is closer. Then they started the beverage service. I
asked for their liquor menu and pretty much ordered one of everything.
I find
myself wondering if mom knew. Like, did she know it was this bad out here? Is
this like As I Lay Dying or
something? I mean, I thought we had a pretty good relationship, but maybe she
wants me dead.
Jesus,
maybe she does want me dead. I mean, I left, right? I moved away and I never
looked back, I basically abandoned her, abandoned the whole family, I abandoned
Terri, and I didn’t even do it sadly, with like, remorse. I just skipped away
into my bright blue future on the west coast, and I haven’t even been that
great about calling. And I think I missed her last birthday. I did. Holy shit.
It was November. That was six months ago.
Oh my
god, what have I done?
I need to
get that drink cart back here.
